Jonathan and I have been emailing back and forth nearly every day. When I mentioned that we were actually trying to move to Texas, he said he'd probably prefer that out of everything. lol So Sorrell and I are going to make that a goal; to move to DFW next summer if we're pregnant by then. All we have to do is find someone to take over our apartment lease.
I mentioned to Jonathan that since he still has to do his screening stuff too, maybe we could get both of ours scheduled on the same day so that we could meet and hang out in Dallas. He thought that was a good idea so we're trying to get things scheduled for December 5 or 6 since he's available those days. Now it's just a waiting game to hear from the clinic and see if we can make that work. Sorrell and I have our sitter on stand-by but we have to give her enough notice to request time off of her other job. Hopefully I'll hear something today or early next week. I'm also planning on calling Gentle Beginnings Birth Center once I know when we'll be in town to see if I can schedule a tour. That way, Jonathan can come too and talk to the midwives and see the center and ask any questions so that he'll have information to think about when deciding how he feels about birthing there versus a hospital setting.
0 Comments
Being the OCD informational gatherer that I am, I figured Jonathan might be as well, since he is a lawyer and has been asking a lot of questions. Plus, I like to have an idea of what to expect when I'm going into something. So, this weekend I pulled out my contract from my surrogacy with Grant and Russ and just went through and edited the names and information that has changed from that journey to this one. I sent it to Jonathan hoping that it could give him an idea of what to expect and maybe even we could use it as a starting point to discuss anything that we might want to change so that the contracts phase is easier and faster. I also put together a timeline from the date that I was matched until the first ultrasound, again to help give him an idea of what to expect.
In a reply email, he asked about the after-birth legalities. That got me thinking about Grant and Russ's lawyer down here, Robert. I remembered Russ talking about how it took forever for them to get the birth certificates and stuff and felt like they weren't a priority for him. And even how Russ was the one who ended up calling the courts to get them on the docket so that it could get finalized. I told Jonathan about that and mentioned how if we delivered in Florida, he might want to see about finding another surrogacy lawyer down here. Well, I figured that was as good a time as any to bring up the fact that Sorrell and I had discussed having the baby(ies) in Texas and it was something that Jonathan should think about. Sorrell and I would rent a house in DFW or Austin for the last two months of the pregnancy. (We wouldn't expect Jonathan to pay for it, that's something that we're willing to pay for since it benefits us as well.) The reasons that Sorrell and I had initially thought of this was of course because Texas is much more VBAC friendly than Florida. And more importantly, if I can convince Jonathan to let me go to a birth center, they allow VBACs there too! But as I started to think about it, I realized that it's a win/win if we deliver in Texas because 1.) it's VBAC friendly and I have the option of a birth center, 2.) on any given day it's significantly cheaper for Jonathan to fly from Michigan to Texas than to Florida, 3.) Simple Surrogacy and numerous surrogates are in Texas so there are likely birth centers and hospitals that have dealt with unique situations like ours before, 4.) since Simple Surrogacy is in Texas, they probably have relationships with good surrogacy lawyers there, and 5.) I'll have more support as well because of the fact that Simple Surrogacy and several surrogate friends are in those areas. I haven't heard back from Jonathan since that email so I'm not sure what he is thinking about all of this but it's only been like a day or two. Hopefully, he'll have some time in the next day or two to review the contract and think about my email a little bit and he'll let me know what his initial thoughts are on everything. Again, ultimately, this is his rodeo but I just want what's easiest and happiest for everyone involved. Personally, the more I think about it, the better of an idea this sounds to me! LOL Also, I don't know what Jonathan's plans are for the birth, like if he wants to come down a week or so before the due date or something, but if so, he'd be more than welcome to stay in the rental house in Texas with us and not have to pay for a hotel like he would down here since we just don't have the room in our apartment. Meanwhile, as I bombard Jonathan with all of this information and likely more questions and things to think about, I'm just waiting to hear from the clinic about scheduling my screening appointment. Surrogacy is just like the military….hurry up and wait! It's a good day! Jennifer just texted me to say that I was matched and I received an email from her saying the same and containing Jonathan's contact information. Stephanie is going to inform Dr. Kaufmann and then his nurse, Michelle, should be calling me sometime soon to schedule my screening appointment. I am ecstatic right now.
I don't think I've stopped smiling! Just finished my phone call with Jonathan, my potential IF. I love him even more on the phone than on paper! He seems like such a genuine, caring guy and his personality confirms my feelings that he just really longs to be a father and if given the opportunity, he will be an amazing one.
We discussed a bunch of things regarding the logistics of working together and then just talked about ourselves and our lives and how we each got into this whole mess. It was very comfortable and natural. I will say, that out of the three phone calls I've done before, I was most nervous about this one. I don't know if it is because I wanted us to like each other so much or because Sorrell wasn't here with me for this call or a combination of both but my palms were a little sweaty and my heart was racing at first! Once we got to talking though, I was fine! We did discuss VBAC (which he isn't opposed to so long as a doctor okays it) and touched on birth center birthing. Jonathan mentioned that he doesn't know yet how he feels about birth centers and would have to think more about that. Obviously I'm not opposed to a hospital setting if I can at least still try for my VBAC but it's just so much more loving, caring and peaceful at a birth center. So if we match, I may have to ask him to at least read the research I have on birth centers vs hospitals and read up on natural birth, like Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth, etc. Ultimately, it'd be his decision. I just want him to understand the facts about the safety of birth centers (such as that only 1.9% of the roughly 13% of transfers to hospitals from birth centers are for emergency situations) before making a decision since a birth center would be my ultimate preference. I've already emailed Jennifer and told her that I'm interested in moving forward so now I just wait again. Hurry up and wait! :) I'm feeling good about this and just hope that I'm right. Today is a very exciting day! The IF who's profile I loved wants to have a phone meeting. Happy dance! Sorrell will be out this evening when we have it so it'll just be the two of us but Jennifer said that he was okay with that. Ultimately I'm the one that he has to like anyway, I just try to keep Sorrell involved in the whole process too since we're a package deal. ;)
Unfortunately, I seem to have suddenly picked up the cold that my kids brought home from school last week and have been passing back and forth to each other, which sucks. So even though I'm not feeling 100% today, I am still very excited for my phone call tonight and hopefully we'll like each other and can get the ball rolling again! I've been doing a lot of thinking and researching and talking with Sorrell. I ended up with a cesarean with the twins because Ava decided she wanted to turn breech in the 9th inning and my doctors wouldn't deliver twins vaginally unless baby A was head first. Bummer, but they were both SUPER healthy and I healed fine so I'm over it. Sorta.
Until now, that is. I have found out that Florida is one of the most VBAC unfriendly states. Most hospitals have a ban on VBACs and for the few that allow it, it is extremely hard to find a VBAC friendly doctor. Though the reasoning is cloaked in "safety and health of the the mother and baby," the real truth is money. Doctors and hospitals don't make as much on a VBAC as they do on a cesarean. Not to mention that a repeat cesarean can be scheduled and make their lives easier. The truth is that the ACOG (American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists) actually recommends VBAC and trial of labor after cesarean for most women who have had one, and even two, low transverse cesareans. While doctors are fast to scare patients into cesareans with the risk of uterine rupture, it is actually only a 0.7% - 0.9% chance. Contrarily, in a second repeat cesarean, there is a 3.3% change of excessive blood loss and a 25.6% chance of dense adhesions, just to name a few things. Hmmm…which sounds more risky now? Not to mention that another unnecessary cesarean would start to put me at even higher risks in third and subsequent pregnancies after. Anyway, all of that being said, I have always been a proponent of natural birthing methods when there is no indication for intervention; I labored at a birth center with my daughter and the experience was amazing. And there is a part of me STILL trying to get over the fact that my natural labor with my son was sabotaged by an outdated back-woods hospital and that I had a cesarean with the twins. So when Sorrell and I decided that we'd be interested in doing a second surrogacy journey, I naturally started looking into local birthing centers. Florida's money-greedy, outdated thinking quickly shot me down. In 2010 the State of Florida went against ACOG and passed a ban on VBACs in birthing centers (even though it is still perfectly safe and acceptable for those very same nurse midwives to attend a VBAC at home) because of course, the pocket deep insurance companies rule the land in Tallahassee. Well fine. I talked with Sorrell and as long as we match with awesome IPs who also understand what the recommendations of the ACOG are and recognize that a woman is ultimately the best at knowing her own body and what she is naturally meant to do, we plan to rent a house in Austin or Dallas, Texas (a VBAC birth center friendly state and where Simple Surrogacy is located) for the last two months of the pregnancy so that I can deliver there and prevent unnecessary surgical intervention that really COULD put myself and the baby at a higher risk of complications. Now to get matched again…. ;) So I got an email from Jennifer last Thursday saying that Mass General denied me and so she was sending me more profiles to look through. I was really bummed. So much so that I obviously couldn't bring myself to post about it until now. But, I believe that things happen for a reason and so I'm taking it in stride, especially since I found a profile that I am really excited about!
Stephanie called me Thursday evening (likely after seeing a post I made on FB about feeling bummed out) and told me not to worry about it. Apparently MGH is an overly picky and difficult clinic, to the point that even she is getting tired of them. She said that she had a really great IP in mind and was having Jennifer send it to me with a few others to look through. She also said that Dr. K won't have ANY problem working with Sorrell and me again so I shouldn't stress; I'll find my match when it's meant to be. I read through the profiles and there was one that I was immediately drawn to, the one that Stephanie had in mind for me. It's a single IF who lives up north. His family is very supportive of him taking this journey and I can tell just by the profile and pictures that he is going to be an amazing father! He has several nieces and nephews that he lovingly doted on and had in numerous pictures with him. He sounds a lot like me, very laid back and easy going, loves life and friends and family, and he even prefers a single pregnancy (yay!). I emailed Jennifer right away to have her send him my profile because I liked him so much just on paper. Now I just have to wait again to see if he likes my profile as well and is interested in speaking with me more…fingers crossed! Well, apparently Mass General IVF takes their sweet time with scheduling and claim that it's part of their "procedural timeline" because they received my medical records a week and a half ago and neither Jayma nor I have heard anything yet.
I guess the good news is that Jayma and I are bonding through phone calls and texts. We are very much alike and get along tremendously. I can say that whenever we finally do get my medical screening scheduled and Sorrell and I go up to Boston to meet Jayma and Karlo, it will be very different from my last face to face meeting with IPs because I will already have much mor |
Author:
|