I first got to see Baby A. S/he's doing great measuring perfectly at 10w0d (which is what I am today) and has a strong heartbeat at 161 bpm.
I asked him what that meant as far as if I'd have any bleeding or anything and how it would affect Baby A. He told me that while I MAY see a little spotting, most likely there wouldn't be anything because my body will simply reabsorb the tissue and everything from Baby B. Good news is that Baby A who is doing great will have no effects from the loss so we have every reason to expect it to be a healthy baby and pregnancy from here out.
At first I wasn't sure how I felt; Was I sad or angry at the loss? Did I feel guilty? Was I relieved or even happy that there was now only one baby as we had originally hoped for?
It turns out that I'm actually very sad at the loss. While Jonathan and I had both hoped for just one healthy baby in the beginning, we'd both gotten used to the idea of two and the fact remains that there was a baby and now there isn't. That's sad no matter how you look at it.
While I can't deny that it will be easier for me to only carry a singleton and my chances at a vaginal delivery just sky rocketed and that does provide some sense of relief, I realized that the relief and happiness that I was feeling was more at the idea that Baby A is still doing great and seems to be completely unaffected. I don't know how I would have reacted if we'd lost both. So for now I'm trying to deal with the idea of the loss and focus on the positive in it, that we've still got a wonderful little miracle growing in there.
Next step is to wait and see if Dr. K still wants me to go off of progesterone after today or continue for a bit longer considering today's news. Also, he may want me to have one more monitoring ultrasound to check on Baby A again before releasing me to my OB/midwife.