I feel heartbroken, like I keep letting Jonathan down. First by not responding to the medications for some reason, then by having the cysts and having to sit a month out and now with the IUI not working. I know Jonathan doesn't feel like it's my fault but it doesn't change the fact that I can't help but feel that way.
We talked for a while yesterday about everything. I guess Dr. Kaufmann suggests that we try again next month but put me on more medications. More!? Geeze Louise. I mean, I know he's the professional and I trust him but there's also a fine line between enough mature follicles to give us better chances and not getting too many follicles that we have to cancel the cycle to prevent higher order multiples. Lol.
So currently the plan is to notify the clinic when my cycle starts again (any day now) and I'll go in for another ultrasound. I'm worried there will be cysts again from the injections last month. But if there aren't, we'll start all over and try again. Of course, if there are cysts, we may have to sit out again as well....putting us into late May/June timeframe.
I know that Jonathan and I have also been discussing the possibility of switching over to IVF. That's where i'd stimulate my follicles and then when they're mature, they'd take them out, fertilize them with the sperm and then transfer the one that splits the best back into my uterus. Then it only has to implant to be successful! The thing is, IVF is significantly more expensive each round or month that we try it than IUI. But, Jonathan mentioned that the whole IUI process isn't as inexpensive as he originally thought either. The kicker is that each IUI has about a 25% chance of success (only slightly higher than a couple just having sex each month) but each IVF procedure has a 46% plus chance of success. So what he has to think about and decide is if its worth it to keep spending the money on IUIs that may or may not work and risk having to sit every other month out from cysts, or go ahead and spend the higher amount now for a better chance of success but still have no guarantee? It's a tough call.
He asked me what I would do if it were me and I told him that I'm a numbers and statistics person so I would very seriously have to consider going to IVF in hopes that it'd work the first time and I'd be done. But I'd need all the numbers and costs to look over. I suggested that he contact Leesa (Dr. K's wife who handles financials at FWF) and ask her what a more realistic cost with medicines and ultrasounds and everything included would be for an IVF round and compare it to the actual cost of IUI each month. Then weigh that against the chances of success for each. I think he plans to talk with her next week.
I ultimately told him that I am on board with whatever decision he makes and whatever route he wants to take. I know that this is emotional and expensive for him and I respect that, so I just want to be supportive.